Real Conversations

Me: Oh! I can put these in my carry-on so if Zombies take over the plane I can break them in half and use it to stab them!
Candi: Oh totally.
Me: Candi, this is serious. This could actually happen.
Candi: I know and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate the severity of the situation.
Me: It was really insensitive.
Candi: I know and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Me: I hope I can too.
Candi: You're a bitch.